Tuesday, August 19

Introvert, Overcoming it, turn to Depression

Its been 2:30 am we are still chatting talking, sharing, kulitan with Renaitot on Facebook while doing some reports and the never ending paperworks, (me bago ba?) I already said good mornight (Filipino Grammar  meaning "saying goodnight although its already morning) and now Im talking, haha.. and then she said she's  into "troubled" not really "into" tho kinda, sort of about her introvert friend. 

It occurred to me as soon as I read her message. I can relate with the #hastag #relatable. Me, Myself and I gone into that feeling of being lonely,  I've been thru that situation not until I overcome it and lil by lil, it quite tuned into depression which is not good and I guess everyone would agree with me in that way. 

Introverts are often described as the shy and awkward people, maybe we’re awkward around other people but most of us aren’t really shy. Shy and quiet are two different things, oftentimes people tend to forget that. Many people judged our capabilities, some of them think that introversion is something that should be altered or removed from a person. No matter how hard we may try to alter it, I think it’s innate in us to have the qualities of an introvert.
Introverts like to observe a lot. We learn things through observing and sometimes we fathom other people by observing them; their habits, fetishes and actions. Other people has little knowledge when it comes to understanding introverts that’s why we are often judged. It sucks for me because I’ve already experienced it. One time there was this person who posted some nasty things on facebook and he even doubted my capabilities as a student/person. Just because we are timid doesn’t mean that we don’t have any knowledge or wisdom. We just like to listen more than to speak. We like to think first about what we will say or what we will do to avoid conflicts. We don’t really like to share some things about ourselves because we think other people might not understand us or maybe the things in our head are more complicated and weirder than most people have. We don’t like to meet new people or we dread the act of interacting with a lot of people. Sometimes it can be very exhausting for us and we may need time to recharge. But this doesn’t mean that we’re anti-social, we just really enjoy our solitude.
In my own experience, I can say that being an introvert isn’t an easy task. Even though you want to speak up, there’s always this fear that hinders you. I’m also smitten with my solitude but I enjoy being with my friends. I read a lot of books and I can finish one in 5-8 hours and it’s a weird fixation I guess. Most introverts like to read books, we enjoy our company and we can enjoy it through wandering into different worlds through the help of books. If people will invite us to a party on a Saturday night, we would prefer to have a productive time by reading thick books in our room wearing our pajamas and enjoying a hot cup of coffee or tea. Some of the introverts really don’t like to attend parties mainly because of the crowd, loud music and inane conversations with complete strangers. I once attended a party and I was with my relatives and I was able to have a chat with few people, at first it was nice but then it got the point wherein you just want to dig a hole underground because of the awkward silence and etc. I hate parties, that’s it. I also don’t like introducing myself to others, it’s awkward and the thought of sharing something about myself makes me even more anxious. I cannot also express myself most of the time, I find it hard to say what I really want to and sometimes I feign my actions. But even though I want to reveal my bubbly side, there’s that fear that people might not want it or think that I’m just a complete weirdo.
There are galaxies inside my head and sometimes I can’t control it. Introverts will prefer writing their own thoughts or feelings rather than sharing it to the crowd. Our thoughts are like our deepest secrets, revealing them would be like betraying ourselves. When I am too consumed by my own thoughts.

 I write. Sometimes you will find me still writing at 3 am. There’s just so many thoughts that I cannot stop thinking about. Some of them are my observations and most of them are my past memories. Unsaid feelings are the worst for an introvert. No matter how hard you may try show what you truly feel, you just don’t have enough guts to do it.
Most people would say that maybe I am an innate introvert but the truth is, I’m not. I wasn't born as an introvert, I just chose to. And maybe the environment that I grew up with added to the factors of my introversion. I chose to be one because I realized some important traits that extroverts doesn't have.

Introverts are good listener, they listen more to other people without judging them. They can keep secrets. They are reliable and trustworthy. Introverts has this gift that others don’t have; it’s having the ability to listen with full understanding and without prejudice. Introverts understand solitude and the importance of having your solitary moment. You fully understand yourself through those private moments. When you are alone, you have enough time to ponder on things, to contemplate the right decisions and to discover who you really are when nobody’s looking – your true self, without any pretentious.

We may not speak a lot but that doesn't mean that our heads are hollow. Sometimes we just choose not to speak in order to retain that stillness and tranquility. We enjoy our lonesome self but we also like to spend our time with our friends and true people who can understand us.
I may be an introvert but I chose to be ironic by deciding to become a Mass Communication major ( di tapos) (biology, natapos ko which is kinda nakakatawa (funny) if you are going to see my Job despription). I like to report about things and I like the act of speaking and knowing that there are people who listen to you. Reporting or making speeches gives me the time to express myself or what’s inside my head. Another reason why I chose this path, I like to prove myself to all the naysayers. I’m an introvert but I am not anti-social, unfriendly, shy or rude. I’m still trying to find my true self and maybe that’s what we’re supposed to do in our youth and not silently judging everyone.
I could say in our youth!!!

The Part Of Me.

Its been awhile, Days past, but I dont feel any urgency unlike before that I have to finish the work as fast as I can,. I think I’ve been used to the feeling that i am alone in my own secluded galaxy. But no matter how melancholic it may sound, i feel the exact opposite. I feel tranquil; like no one can barge into my world and destroy the barricades that I've built. It seems that i am born to become this lone star. I think we all find our true selves when we’re alone. We act without faking anything. Our laughter and smiles are authentic. We shine bright in the distant horizon and we don’t have to compete with other stars because we are the brightest in our own galaxy. In our own world.
Some days, the loneliness knocks on my door & enters my world without my approval, sometimes i spend my day with it. We do things together and we spill our deepest secrets in the dark. But there are days when i just ignore it & shove it back to its hiding place. These days are the best. I feel at peace with myself; without that tugging sensation or realization that i am alone.
At the end of the day, i always realize one thing, aloneliness and loneliness are two things. But who can hide the fact that these two connects to each other & gives the same feeling of sadness. I don't know but sometimes I'm thinking of going to the roof and fly. 
I am trying to divert all the negativity, and trying to see things into different perspective. Atleast got some new friends share the same conviction which is good. Talkative and telling stories never ending lies. Well in that case, I'm learning.

Saturday, August 2


Lord, I guess I came to the point that I have now to ask you for help. I know you know where I stand right now. I really don't know what to do. Please help me. Enlighten me, I need your strength and wisdom. 

Please Jesus, I need you. You know my heart, you know the desire. Please shower me with your forgiveness and Love and strength. I need you. In the name of Jesus I prayed, Amen. 

Tuesday, July 22

Go Go Go!!!

What I love most about my job is pressure being tormented by many client.  At the end of the day, I'm happy to accomplished thing, seeing in a very different perspective. I deal with it, and everybody IMHO must deal how to overcome weaknesses. Using my weak point as my strength. 

I wanna learn more and more. 5 years being front liners to the marketing and sales been a great experience to me. Is be able to meet different personalities. Oh I love this. By pressure I will survive. 

Monday, July 21

Humble Thee

I'm watching Australia got talent and I am so so so excited to hear the contestant, just like the audiences shouting every minute. 

I really love singing, but singing is not aware of it. So I guess I gotta keep it hid within me. , well that's a secret. Shhhhhhh

I am grateful to hear different stories of life beyond camera by the contestant.   Contradicts to what I saw always on the news, bombing and killings everywhere, chaos around the world, came to the point that I have asked my self, how many good people with humble heart still exist? It always make me think that way. 

One contestant came out on the stage, with her sister, he looks like he's suffering  from skin dissease  and I don't know the name of his sickness but it's so obvious. 

The judges asked him about his condition and he said its the final stage and there is no cure for it. 

One thing I've notice that looks like he already accepted and looks brave stating that "this is life". The way he talked was such an amazing to see him, such a humble person, "but" when he started singing it blown is all away.  Wow. Just wow. 

I occurred to me that still no matter how rigid out life to the point of were standing on the edge of the Clift just trust him. Only him. There's no such hope could be found somewhere except to him. 

Reflect: As always as I do care about people always I'm so easy to get embarrassed and show it in a very "inappropriate" way, sometime to the pint that it consumed me. At work, burnout, then and only then, unless I avoid this, it will control me. But thank God, for many time he showed me his ways and chide me in a harsh way, it make rely on him more and more that still I have a good heart to change for good. My heart is not callous. 

Just a reminders to me that I must see things the way Jesus sees them. 

Sunday, July 20

Just a thought for Today.

Love, such a lovely word. For teenagers this Word played an important role, from puppy love to true love. Word that has broad wide meaning.

How many of us heard this line "I love but ____"? Or I love you "if"____"? I'm sure you're familiar. 

When I was in my high school, i used to say this with my crush, of I shoued this in a concert, or write this on a love letter. So cool, yet when I was in college this is awkward. 

Now I'm matured enough to understand this word, atleast I'll be able to show this to my family

However, until now I admit I really don't understand this I mean I'm having a hard time to understand this. "Love is perfect" 

In (1 John 4:18 ESV)

There is no fear in love, but perfect love casts out fear. For fear has to do with punishment, and whoever fears has not been perfected in love. 

This one is a very powerful words. The revelation itself. I have many passion, things to do in ministry, but I'm afraid, and this verse reminded me that loving has not nothing to do with fear. I must admit that sometimes I'm afraid to do thing that I really love, though I know but it simply just I'm afraid. 

I have to ponder on this, reflect, how this one related to me. I just hope that I could love without fear, no "if" no "but". 

Happy weekdays to all.